“I’m not afraid to fail…I’m scared to death of dying and having the Lord say to me, ‘Angelica, this is what you might have done had you trusted more.’”
A beach. Many days I sit on my patio and look out at the white sand of the pristine beach. Few people interrupt my view. No tall beach hotels block my vision. My home faces due south. I look out on the green-blue waters of the Indian Ocean with nothing to my right or to my left, just the occasional spark of a white-tipped wave.
The view is clear and open. Sometimes I feel like I can see all the way across to India and a bright jumble of color will flash in mind. When I look East, I fancy I can see the dark green of African jungles.
It’s only in my imagination, of course, but that is how our Lord sees. If He but looks across the rippling waters, the wonderful colors of His creation will appear. His vision is so perfect, He can see not only into the distance but into the past and the future as well. Many years ago, I learned to trust His vision.
I was a young Christian and the mother of four active children. When I slept, I slept hard. One night I had a dream. It was very clear. I knocked on my neighbor’s door, delivered a very specific message then returned to my own home. The alarm buzzer went off and as I came out of my deep, dream-filled sleep a very firm voice said, “Tell her.”
My morning was a jumbled rush of spilled oatmeal and missing headbands. I didn’t have time to think about the voice and its message, let alone to act on it. I bundled all the children…plus a few extra neighbors…into my van and headed off to school. It wasn’t until I pulled back into my quiet cul-de-sac and saw my neighbor’s front door that I finally thought about the dream.
How can I say that to her, Lord? I barely know her. What will she think of me? What do those few words mean? They don’t make sense. Why would you pick me to deliver the message? I’m just a baby Christian. I know nothing. Is she home? This is her workday and her driveway is empty.
I decided the dream and all it entailed was a result of an overtired body and started on my daily routine. By the time my doorbell rang, I’d forgotten all about it…until I saw my neighbor standing on my doorstep. Then I remembered the voice. Tell her.
“I’m sorry to bother you but I have the day off,” she said, “and well, I just needed to talk. No one else is home so I thought we might have a cup of coffee.”
The Lord hadn’t just given me a job to do. He conspired to make sure I followed through. He knew I was young in my faith and needed encouragement so He made sure my neighbor came to me.
“I have to tell you something.” I blurted out, interrupting her. “Be at peace. She is with the Lord.”
My friend stared at me, her eyes unblinking. Then she burst into tears. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”
No, I didn’t know, but Someone who is always listening and who sees all did.
As my friend and I held each other and cried, shared and unburdened, I was very glad He had not let my lack of vision get in the way.